While Warlocks Watched - By Shenaaz Khan

A man most watched lost his watch. What a lumbering idiot he must be. Oh Woe! Anyway, there was a plot to be had. A scandal that would stagger all of humanity. Ah, a much welcomed respite from scrupulous governance and principled politics.

And so it seems an erstwhile deputy prime minister had sauntered into an establishment, executed plentiful coitus with an international service provider in a state of undress, and then in an apparent rush, left his time-telling device behind.

The pugilist politician, short of time, swiftly commissioned his trusted squire to retrieve this eggish timepiece. And as the room was rummaged for this necessary accessory, a revelation was revealed.

So aghast was our intrepid hero by the ungodly deeds of the powerless politician, that he hurriedly approached two members of his male-pattern baldness support group to form a triumvirate of honour. With expressions not unlike the gingerbread man, they slithered out of their pantheon to proclaim the plugged politicians perversions.

They poured scorn on the sinner and portrayed themselves to be pious preachers, never to have made adulterated visits to the sacred temples of womanhood.

While some were regrettably enthralled by the tapeworm threesome, it had become damningly apparent that the ringleaders of the regime had yet again reared their ugly heads. You see, the domicile of domination was seething with malcontent. Living off the fat of the land was not fulfilling enough.

The bane of their existence, this perilous politician, headed a mob that fought for, of all things, justice. And the proletariats loved it. How absurd! THIS MADNESS MUST CEASE!!

Hence, together, they schemed, they scripted and they scammed. They created cinematic copulation, choreographed to cause chaos and convulsion. But while the film noir allegedly exhibited the thespians’ skills of potent manliness, it did nothing to hide his obvious love for starchy foods. A quick check with an abacus exposed a faulty timeline. Thus much like their hair, the plot thinned! So nonsensical was the tale that gales of dizzy laughter were all it provoked.

Having failed to elicit national outrage, they so grandly attempted to create marital strife. But the pitiable politicians’ wife was no mirthless woman. She reacted with such grace and aplomb in the face of lecherous lies, that her conceited cow of a counterpart must have massacred seven Mongolians out of sheer rage. Oh how they’ll rue the day they ever went there!

So while a fully infected abscess continues to rule this nation, I urge its people to assist them in getting down before they get thrown off that incredibly high horse. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But you’ve never ever been able to fool me, you blundering fools! For shame! You best be returning that knife to its sheath!

Malaysia Today